A Merry Hellish Christmas
Hell
“Why are we doing this again?”
“Because it’s fun, Ursula, jeeze!” Roxy said, rolling her eyes.
“I still don’t get it?” Urs said, inspecting her nails.
Rox tossed tinsel at her sister. “What don’t you get? Decorating and yummy food, and presents!”
Lucifer watched the show from his chair. He loved seeing his girls enjoy themselves—laughing, fighting, shoving, threatening to cut each other’s tits off. Roxy had insisted they all celebrate Christmas this year, since they were back in Hell. He’d indulged her, how could he not? His handmaids were his children in every way that counted—children who were over a thousand years old and had the ability to skin a man like an orange.
Urs drew back her battle axe and pretended she was about to cut down the gaudy fucking tree Roxy was decorating, and laughed her ass off at Roxy’s shriek.
Lucifer grinned and ran his hand along his beloved Mini’s silky black fur, her purrs growing in volume. Taking his phone, he snapped a quick selfie with his fur baby and sent it to Zenon and Mia to show baby Zephyr. He loved that little drool monster with his whole heart. If anyone ever hurt his great grandson, Lucifer would remove their organs one by one then feed it to them before putting them back together and starting all over again.
“I can’t wait to see what you got us,” Rox said.
Lucifer glanced up from Mini. “Hmm?”
“Our presents!” She pouted. “Aren’t you going to put them under the tree?”
Fuck. Rox had sent out a group text telling them all that gifts were mandatory. He’d gone and fucking forgotten.
Lucifer grinned. “Yes, but anticipation is the spice of life.”
“You forgot,” Urs said and laughed.
“I did not. And how dear you question your king.”
She laughed harder.
“Zen, Mia and little Zeph even sent gifts, and Ky and Eve,” Rox said adjusting a bauble.
Urs shook her head. “They sent them because you guilted them into it.”
Roxy smirked at Ursula. “Even Silas sent us gifts. Urs got two and verysweet card.”
Ursula tossed her axe, the blade sinking into the wall by Roxy’s head. “Shut the fuck up or I’ll cut your tongue out. And I would’ve toss them into the fire pit if you hadn’t hidden them from me.”
Rox rolled her eyes. “I’ll give them to you when you calm down. Silas is a good guy. So he made out with Uma a little bit. He thought it was you! Cut the guy a break.”
The fallen angel had played tonsil hockey with Ursula’s twin accidently, and Urs had rebuffed all his repeated attempts at an apology. She didn’t forgive easily. His vicious baby girl didn’t take rejection well, and intentional or not, Silas was just making a chump of himself at this point.
“I’ll cut something,” she muttered.
Lucifer placed Mini on the floor. “You know I love talking shit about Silas, but I have to…ah, go torture someone.”
“I want something expensive,” Ursula called as he walked to the door, seeing right through him.
“No! The limit is twenty dollars,” Rox yelled as he walked out. “And you can’t click your fingers and zapsomething here. You have to go and actually look!”
Fuck sticks.
Lucifer strode through the caves, heading toward the portal then made a quick detour.
He stopped outside Diemos’s door and lifted his hand to knock then changed his mind and dropped it again. Yesterday had been a bad day for his son, one of many, like screaming until his throat bled, bad. Regret filled him, an emotion he loathed. But he had truckloads of the shit when it came to his kid. No sound came through his door now, though, best to leave the boy to rest.
A short time later, Lucifer had exited Hell and was striding down a Roxburgh city street. Earth was an immensely enjoyable place. Humans lived for such a short time, and watching them try to cram everything into their time here was refreshing. Some squandered that time, of course. But others…well, some seemed to have lived more fulfilling lives in eighty-years than Lucifer had managed in several thousand.
He shoved those thoughts from his mind. He’d been far too fucking reflective lately. Taking back Hell, the shit with Diemos, it’d been weighing on him and he needed to suck it the fuck up already and stop all this emo bullshit.
A gaudy flashing sign ahead called to him. The Dollar Mart was exactly what he was looking for. He walked in, and the shop assistant peed his pants and ducked behind the counter.
“I won’t be long, you’re fine,” Lucifer called and grabbed a basket.
When he was fresh from Hell, he was more potent to humans, they either pissed themselves in fear or tried to hump his leg. Thankfully, the longer he was on Earth the less potent his mojo became to them. With some prep, he could reduce the effects before he came up here, but he didn’t have time for that. He had a room full of handmaids showing up in a matter of hours and they’d all expect gifts.
Striding around the isles, he loaded up the basket with sparkly shit for Roxy. Pens and note pads and some gaudy looking eye crap she loved to wear and grabbed a bunch of gift bags. He tossed some cash on the counter and walked out.
Next, the shop across the street, it sold camping equipment. They had knives. The shop assistant was another pisser/hider, which made things easier. He got a wicked looking blade for each of his girls then hit the jeweler next to it. The place had a gothic kind of vibe and hopefully had what he wanted.
Rox said twenty-dollars, but she didn’t mean it. Females rarely ever meant what they said when it came to gifts, well his females anyway.
Lucifer scanned the glass covered cases, then glanced up at the guy staring at him wide-eyed. The kid looked like he’s just stroked out, drool trailing down his chin. Annnnd we have a humper.
Lucifer pointed to the white gold necklace with a tiny diamond skull dangling from it. “I’ll take ten.”
The assistant blinked.
“I’ll take ten of these,” he repeated.
The guy, Dan, going by the name badge, swiped the drool from his chin and rushed to get them.
Lucifer glanced out the window. There was a pet shop across the street. One more stop then he was done. This gift buying business wasn’t so hard after all. The assistant rushed back and handed him a bag, and blushed while thoroughly checking Lucifer out.
“I really like your ink, it’s…it’s really sexy. I was wondering if you wanted to maybe…I don’t know, grab a coffee some time?”
Lucifer inwardly sighed. It was hard being the king of Hell anda stone-cold fox. “Sorry, Dan my man, no time to fuck.”
The guy turned the color of a tomato, but his eyes filled with desperation. Lucifer hated when this happened.
“Please, I just want your number. I…I think I’m in love with you,” he said gripping the edge of the counter like he was about to jump over it.
We were skipping straight to love, huh? “This morning I tore off a demon’s arm and shoved it up his ass. Still love me?”
The guy nodded then squeezed the front of his tented pants. “You’re so funny. Can I kiss you?”
“Nope. Why don’t you go tug one out in the bathroom, I’m sure you’ll feel a lot better when you come back out.”
The guy unzipped his trousers, pulled out his dick and started stroking.
“For fuck sake, Dan. Not out here, dude. In the bathroom.” He hated fucking with human minds, preferring to watch things unfold naturally, it amused him, but he didn’t have time for this wanker. Lucifer sent him a rush of power, compelling him to do as he said.
“You’ll be here when I finish?”
“Yep.” Nope.
The guy rushed off and Lucifer tossed a wad of cash in the tip jar and walked out.
Sucking in a resigned breath, he strode across the street and into the pet shop. What as behind door number four? Pisser or humper?
Lucifer grabbed one of their baskets. They had ears and little pink noses glued to them. Wasn’t that just sickeningly cute.
They had a great toy section, though. Feathers and bells and catnip stuffed mice. The collars were great as well. His little Mini, loved to switch things up in the collar department.
Still no sign of a shop assistant. They were either cowering somewhere or about to sneak attack him with their fucking pants down.
Lucifer filled the basket and strode to the counter…and waited, but still no one came out. He didn’t have time for this. He walked to the door, shoving it open…
“You gonna pay for that or what? And the baskets aren’t for sale, by the way.”
He turned and a curvy little female strode towards him. Her pretty face was set in a scowl and she looked like she was ready to kick his ass. Adorable.
“I’m in a bit of a hurry,” Lucifer said, then waited for her to get hit by his mojo and either take a dump in her pants or climb him like a tree.
She kept coming, planted her hands on her hips and narrowed her pretty hazel eyes at him. “So you got sick of waiting and thought you’d just steal from me?”
Lucifer searched her gaze, and nothing, no fear, no lust, well, not the kind that was capable of making out with his big toe if it was offered. And no, he hadn’t done that to some poor sap, though he had fallen asleep and woken to some dude sucking his toe in a park once.
He shuddered at the memory, and pulled out his wallet. “I wouldn’t dream of it. How much?”
“Well, I’ll need to ring everything up.” The duhwas written all over her face.
“Well, obviously.”
She rolled her eyes, took the basket and started scanning everything with her scanner thingy. Lucifer studied her—she didn’t spare him another glance.
“Do you like my tattoos?” he asked.
She froze and looked up at him. “Did you really just ask me that?”
“Most people like them.”
“How nice for you.” She shook her head in…disgust.
What the hell was going on? What was she? Not human or not totally? He couldn’t get a read on her and that neverhappened.
“You don’t want to kiss me?” he asked.
Her gaze shot up again, her brows lowered. “No. What the hell is wrong with you?” She lifted her eyes skyward. “Why are men like this? Seriously.” She shoved a bag at him. “Just, take your shit and get the fuck out before I call the cops.”
He reached for the bag.
“Dude, you still have to pay for it.”
“Right. Shit.” Lucifer grabbed some cash from his wallet and handed it to her.
She stared down at it, then up at him. “What the hell is this?”
“Money?”
“Are you trying to be funny?” she practically snarled.
He looked down. She was holding the coupons Rox had made him for his birthday. The one at the top said, “This entitles the bearer to one squishy AF hug” on it. The rest were for things like cupcakes, and five uninterrupted gaming hours and breakfast in bed. He hadn’t gotten around to redeeming any of them yet.
“They’re just…they’re from. I forgot they were…” Lucifer shut himself up, because he sounded, fuck…flustered, like some loser who’d never gotten his dick wet before. His face felt weird. He touched his cheek. It was hot. Was he…embarrassed? No. Impossible. He was the motherfucking king of Hell. He’d never been embarrassed in his entire life. What the actual fuck-sticks was going on here?
A white cat jumped on the counter, and being the pussy whisperer that he was, she immediately padded to him and smooched against his hand. He stroked her smooth fur.
The female across from him frowned. “She hates everyone.”
“Pussy’s love me,” he said with a grin.
She huffed out a breath, the surprise on her face turning back to one of disgust. “Christ. Take your kids coupons, give me some actual freaking money and go. My day has been shitty enough without having to deal with some sleazy goth boy.”
Sleazy!
“Goth boy? I’ll have you know, I’m the ultimate mother-freaking goth, you terrifying little tyrant.”
Her face transformed and then she was laughing…her ass off. At him. “The ultimate goth?” She muttered something, he didn’t hear all of it, but he was pretty sure he heard the words desperate and pathetic, before she cackled some more.
Desperate and pathetic?
Lucifer had been called a lot of things in his life, but never that. He’d also never been laughed at, people laughed with him, a lot, when he wasn’t punishing them at least, because he was fucking hilarious. But he’d never been laughed at, not like this, not to his face.
He took back his coupons, pulled the correct money from his wallet and handed it to her. He didn’t throw her his usual cocky grin, because this little female had made him feel something he never had before…like a fool. That was what he assumed this feeling was. And he did notfucking like it.
“It’s been real,” he said and took the bag. “But I’m sure you’ll understand why I won’t be getting my cat supplies from you in the future.”
Great burn, fuck knuckle.
He needed to get the hell out of this place and back to a world that made sense, where everyone either worshipped or feared him. This indifference was truly fucking terrifying.
She said nothing, just stared up at him. He bit back a curse and headed for the door.
“Shit, come back, Cookie.”
He stalled. That was a new one. No one had ever called him that before, but at least his mojo was back--
Something brushed his leg. The cat had followed him to the door.
“Come back here, Cookie. She never does that.” The female scooped up her cat.
Lucifer almost growled.
The small female looked up at him and released a long-suffering sigh. “Look, sorry if I was a bit short with you, okay? I mean, you acted like a douche, but I didn’t need to be so defensive, I guess.”
The cat squirmed and she put it down, it took off towards the back of the store.
Lucifer looked back down at the pretty little tyrant not sure what to say. He didn’t do apologies and honestly, he wasn’t sure why he suddenly had the urge to.
Her gaze lifted and locked on his.
He stared back.
She licked her lips.
His dick went rock solid behind the zipper of his jeans.
“Fuck,” she whispered.
“Yes, please,” he whispered back.
She let out another sigh. “You’re ridiculous.” Then grabbed the front of his shirt, yanked him closer and kissed him.
Oh, fuck yes.
Lucifer hooked her around the waist and hauled her off the ground. She wrapped her legs around his waist and then they were making out. Mouth fucking like pros against the door, then walking to the counter.
Ha! I knew it. I knew she wanted me. She was just good at hiding it.
Lucifer didn’t usually like kissing. When he fucked someone, he used his mouth in other ways. But he like this, so much so, he couldn’t get enough.
He squeezed her ass and she moaned into his mouth. Yeah, he liked that too. “Does your pussy needs attention, little tyrant?” he said against her lips. He’d never fucked in a pet shop before, but he’d never wanted anything more in his extremely long life.
She shoved at his chest with a groan. “What the fuck am I doing?”
“We were just about to fuck on this counter,” Lucifer said and tried to kiss her again.
She dodged his mouth and groaned, applying more pressure to his chest. “This isn’t happening. Get off.”
Lucifer couldn’t believe what he was hearing. She was rejectinghim? She’d kissed him. She hadn’t even come yet, and she could push him away so easily? “You want me to get offyou?”
“Yes, dammit. Using some fuck boy to forget the state of my shitty life, is the last thing I need right now.”
Fuck boy?
Lucifer released her and took several steps back. “I’m not sure I understand? You don’t want to fuck me?”
She jumped down from the counter. “No. Can you…please, just go.”
He didn’t understand this female. She made him feel so many things. He wanted to kiss her more, but he wanted to punish her as well for making him feel this way. “You really are one bonkers little nutcracker, aren’t you?”
She scowled and pointed to the door.
Adjusting his dick, he picked up his bags, that he’d dropped all over the floor, and got the fuck out of there.
***
His quarters were empty when he got back to Hell.
The tree was lit up with twinkling lights, presents stacked underneath. He unpacked his to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything.
Rox said she wanted him to wrap it all himself, but there was only so much he could take in one day. He and clicked his fingers and the wrapping was done. Shit. She’d never believe he’d done it. He clicked his fingers again and grinned. Perfect.
Or not so perfect, to be precise.
Lucifer sat and waved a hand, lighting the fire across from him, and stared into the flames. Curvy little pet shop assistants, flipping him the bird, danced in the flames.
And sick fuck he was, his dick got hard. It took some doing, but he willed his boner away. He had nowhere to put it. No, correction, he had nowhere he wanted to put it. The thought was seriously unsettling.
Mini pranced into the room and jumped onto his lap. He ran his hand down her back and willed a glass of red wine. Yes, getting wasted was an excellent idea.
Mini blinked up at him.
“I’m fine, Mins.”
Mini meowed and shifted forms. Her vibrant green eyes telling him she didn’t believe him. In her humanoid form, Mini, was four-foot-two, had long, thick black hair that reached halfway down her back, that her pointed cat ears poked through adorably, and delicate features. She liked pink and frills and Lucifer indulged her. His Mini had a bigger closet than he did. She was wearing a bright pink dress tonight, that was fitted to her upper body and poofed out at the waist.
She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Why are you sad.”
“I’m not, now I have you with me.”
She smiled bright, and lay against him. Lucifer immediately wrapped his arms around her. She was the most innocent creature he’d ever encountered, and she had somehow found her way to him, a monster, and her complete opposite.
“Does my hug make you feel better, Luci?” she said.
“Always.”
She purred and drifted to sleep in his arms.
Lucifer stayed where he was, staring into the flames.
He had no idea what the hell had happened today, what alternate universe he’d stumbled into, but he would never set foot in that fucking pet store ever again.
The door opened and his handmaids streamed in, laughing and carrying more gifts, and more importantly, booze.
Mini woke and squealed with delight, running to her aunts. He watched as they fussed over her.
Yes, this was all he needed.
All he would ever need.
© 2021 Sherilee Gray
“Why are we doing this again?”
“Because it’s fun, Ursula, jeeze!” Roxy said, rolling her eyes.
“I still don’t get it?” Urs said, inspecting her nails.
Rox tossed tinsel at her sister. “What don’t you get? Decorating and yummy food, and presents!”
Lucifer watched the show from his chair. He loved seeing his girls enjoy themselves—laughing, fighting, shoving, threatening to cut each other’s tits off. Roxy had insisted they all celebrate Christmas this year, since they were back in Hell. He’d indulged her, how could he not? His handmaids were his children in every way that counted—children who were over a thousand years old and had the ability to skin a man like an orange.
Urs drew back her battle axe and pretended she was about to cut down the gaudy fucking tree Roxy was decorating, and laughed her ass off at Roxy’s shriek.
Lucifer grinned and ran his hand along his beloved Mini’s silky black fur, her purrs growing in volume. Taking his phone, he snapped a quick selfie with his fur baby and sent it to Zenon and Mia to show baby Zephyr. He loved that little drool monster with his whole heart. If anyone ever hurt his great grandson, Lucifer would remove their organs one by one then feed it to them before putting them back together and starting all over again.
“I can’t wait to see what you got us,” Rox said.
Lucifer glanced up from Mini. “Hmm?”
“Our presents!” She pouted. “Aren’t you going to put them under the tree?”
Fuck. Rox had sent out a group text telling them all that gifts were mandatory. He’d gone and fucking forgotten.
Lucifer grinned. “Yes, but anticipation is the spice of life.”
“You forgot,” Urs said and laughed.
“I did not. And how dear you question your king.”
She laughed harder.
“Zen, Mia and little Zeph even sent gifts, and Ky and Eve,” Rox said adjusting a bauble.
Urs shook her head. “They sent them because you guilted them into it.”
Roxy smirked at Ursula. “Even Silas sent us gifts. Urs got two and verysweet card.”
Ursula tossed her axe, the blade sinking into the wall by Roxy’s head. “Shut the fuck up or I’ll cut your tongue out. And I would’ve toss them into the fire pit if you hadn’t hidden them from me.”
Rox rolled her eyes. “I’ll give them to you when you calm down. Silas is a good guy. So he made out with Uma a little bit. He thought it was you! Cut the guy a break.”
The fallen angel had played tonsil hockey with Ursula’s twin accidently, and Urs had rebuffed all his repeated attempts at an apology. She didn’t forgive easily. His vicious baby girl didn’t take rejection well, and intentional or not, Silas was just making a chump of himself at this point.
“I’ll cut something,” she muttered.
Lucifer placed Mini on the floor. “You know I love talking shit about Silas, but I have to…ah, go torture someone.”
“I want something expensive,” Ursula called as he walked to the door, seeing right through him.
“No! The limit is twenty dollars,” Rox yelled as he walked out. “And you can’t click your fingers and zapsomething here. You have to go and actually look!”
Fuck sticks.
Lucifer strode through the caves, heading toward the portal then made a quick detour.
He stopped outside Diemos’s door and lifted his hand to knock then changed his mind and dropped it again. Yesterday had been a bad day for his son, one of many, like screaming until his throat bled, bad. Regret filled him, an emotion he loathed. But he had truckloads of the shit when it came to his kid. No sound came through his door now, though, best to leave the boy to rest.
A short time later, Lucifer had exited Hell and was striding down a Roxburgh city street. Earth was an immensely enjoyable place. Humans lived for such a short time, and watching them try to cram everything into their time here was refreshing. Some squandered that time, of course. But others…well, some seemed to have lived more fulfilling lives in eighty-years than Lucifer had managed in several thousand.
He shoved those thoughts from his mind. He’d been far too fucking reflective lately. Taking back Hell, the shit with Diemos, it’d been weighing on him and he needed to suck it the fuck up already and stop all this emo bullshit.
A gaudy flashing sign ahead called to him. The Dollar Mart was exactly what he was looking for. He walked in, and the shop assistant peed his pants and ducked behind the counter.
“I won’t be long, you’re fine,” Lucifer called and grabbed a basket.
When he was fresh from Hell, he was more potent to humans, they either pissed themselves in fear or tried to hump his leg. Thankfully, the longer he was on Earth the less potent his mojo became to them. With some prep, he could reduce the effects before he came up here, but he didn’t have time for that. He had a room full of handmaids showing up in a matter of hours and they’d all expect gifts.
Striding around the isles, he loaded up the basket with sparkly shit for Roxy. Pens and note pads and some gaudy looking eye crap she loved to wear and grabbed a bunch of gift bags. He tossed some cash on the counter and walked out.
Next, the shop across the street, it sold camping equipment. They had knives. The shop assistant was another pisser/hider, which made things easier. He got a wicked looking blade for each of his girls then hit the jeweler next to it. The place had a gothic kind of vibe and hopefully had what he wanted.
Rox said twenty-dollars, but she didn’t mean it. Females rarely ever meant what they said when it came to gifts, well his females anyway.
Lucifer scanned the glass covered cases, then glanced up at the guy staring at him wide-eyed. The kid looked like he’s just stroked out, drool trailing down his chin. Annnnd we have a humper.
Lucifer pointed to the white gold necklace with a tiny diamond skull dangling from it. “I’ll take ten.”
The assistant blinked.
“I’ll take ten of these,” he repeated.
The guy, Dan, going by the name badge, swiped the drool from his chin and rushed to get them.
Lucifer glanced out the window. There was a pet shop across the street. One more stop then he was done. This gift buying business wasn’t so hard after all. The assistant rushed back and handed him a bag, and blushed while thoroughly checking Lucifer out.
“I really like your ink, it’s…it’s really sexy. I was wondering if you wanted to maybe…I don’t know, grab a coffee some time?”
Lucifer inwardly sighed. It was hard being the king of Hell anda stone-cold fox. “Sorry, Dan my man, no time to fuck.”
The guy turned the color of a tomato, but his eyes filled with desperation. Lucifer hated when this happened.
“Please, I just want your number. I…I think I’m in love with you,” he said gripping the edge of the counter like he was about to jump over it.
We were skipping straight to love, huh? “This morning I tore off a demon’s arm and shoved it up his ass. Still love me?”
The guy nodded then squeezed the front of his tented pants. “You’re so funny. Can I kiss you?”
“Nope. Why don’t you go tug one out in the bathroom, I’m sure you’ll feel a lot better when you come back out.”
The guy unzipped his trousers, pulled out his dick and started stroking.
“For fuck sake, Dan. Not out here, dude. In the bathroom.” He hated fucking with human minds, preferring to watch things unfold naturally, it amused him, but he didn’t have time for this wanker. Lucifer sent him a rush of power, compelling him to do as he said.
“You’ll be here when I finish?”
“Yep.” Nope.
The guy rushed off and Lucifer tossed a wad of cash in the tip jar and walked out.
Sucking in a resigned breath, he strode across the street and into the pet shop. What as behind door number four? Pisser or humper?
Lucifer grabbed one of their baskets. They had ears and little pink noses glued to them. Wasn’t that just sickeningly cute.
They had a great toy section, though. Feathers and bells and catnip stuffed mice. The collars were great as well. His little Mini, loved to switch things up in the collar department.
Still no sign of a shop assistant. They were either cowering somewhere or about to sneak attack him with their fucking pants down.
Lucifer filled the basket and strode to the counter…and waited, but still no one came out. He didn’t have time for this. He walked to the door, shoving it open…
“You gonna pay for that or what? And the baskets aren’t for sale, by the way.”
He turned and a curvy little female strode towards him. Her pretty face was set in a scowl and she looked like she was ready to kick his ass. Adorable.
“I’m in a bit of a hurry,” Lucifer said, then waited for her to get hit by his mojo and either take a dump in her pants or climb him like a tree.
She kept coming, planted her hands on her hips and narrowed her pretty hazel eyes at him. “So you got sick of waiting and thought you’d just steal from me?”
Lucifer searched her gaze, and nothing, no fear, no lust, well, not the kind that was capable of making out with his big toe if it was offered. And no, he hadn’t done that to some poor sap, though he had fallen asleep and woken to some dude sucking his toe in a park once.
He shuddered at the memory, and pulled out his wallet. “I wouldn’t dream of it. How much?”
“Well, I’ll need to ring everything up.” The duhwas written all over her face.
“Well, obviously.”
She rolled her eyes, took the basket and started scanning everything with her scanner thingy. Lucifer studied her—she didn’t spare him another glance.
“Do you like my tattoos?” he asked.
She froze and looked up at him. “Did you really just ask me that?”
“Most people like them.”
“How nice for you.” She shook her head in…disgust.
What the hell was going on? What was she? Not human or not totally? He couldn’t get a read on her and that neverhappened.
“You don’t want to kiss me?” he asked.
Her gaze shot up again, her brows lowered. “No. What the hell is wrong with you?” She lifted her eyes skyward. “Why are men like this? Seriously.” She shoved a bag at him. “Just, take your shit and get the fuck out before I call the cops.”
He reached for the bag.
“Dude, you still have to pay for it.”
“Right. Shit.” Lucifer grabbed some cash from his wallet and handed it to her.
She stared down at it, then up at him. “What the hell is this?”
“Money?”
“Are you trying to be funny?” she practically snarled.
He looked down. She was holding the coupons Rox had made him for his birthday. The one at the top said, “This entitles the bearer to one squishy AF hug” on it. The rest were for things like cupcakes, and five uninterrupted gaming hours and breakfast in bed. He hadn’t gotten around to redeeming any of them yet.
“They’re just…they’re from. I forgot they were…” Lucifer shut himself up, because he sounded, fuck…flustered, like some loser who’d never gotten his dick wet before. His face felt weird. He touched his cheek. It was hot. Was he…embarrassed? No. Impossible. He was the motherfucking king of Hell. He’d never been embarrassed in his entire life. What the actual fuck-sticks was going on here?
A white cat jumped on the counter, and being the pussy whisperer that he was, she immediately padded to him and smooched against his hand. He stroked her smooth fur.
The female across from him frowned. “She hates everyone.”
“Pussy’s love me,” he said with a grin.
She huffed out a breath, the surprise on her face turning back to one of disgust. “Christ. Take your kids coupons, give me some actual freaking money and go. My day has been shitty enough without having to deal with some sleazy goth boy.”
Sleazy!
“Goth boy? I’ll have you know, I’m the ultimate mother-freaking goth, you terrifying little tyrant.”
Her face transformed and then she was laughing…her ass off. At him. “The ultimate goth?” She muttered something, he didn’t hear all of it, but he was pretty sure he heard the words desperate and pathetic, before she cackled some more.
Desperate and pathetic?
Lucifer had been called a lot of things in his life, but never that. He’d also never been laughed at, people laughed with him, a lot, when he wasn’t punishing them at least, because he was fucking hilarious. But he’d never been laughed at, not like this, not to his face.
He took back his coupons, pulled the correct money from his wallet and handed it to her. He didn’t throw her his usual cocky grin, because this little female had made him feel something he never had before…like a fool. That was what he assumed this feeling was. And he did notfucking like it.
“It’s been real,” he said and took the bag. “But I’m sure you’ll understand why I won’t be getting my cat supplies from you in the future.”
Great burn, fuck knuckle.
He needed to get the hell out of this place and back to a world that made sense, where everyone either worshipped or feared him. This indifference was truly fucking terrifying.
She said nothing, just stared up at him. He bit back a curse and headed for the door.
“Shit, come back, Cookie.”
He stalled. That was a new one. No one had ever called him that before, but at least his mojo was back--
Something brushed his leg. The cat had followed him to the door.
“Come back here, Cookie. She never does that.” The female scooped up her cat.
Lucifer almost growled.
The small female looked up at him and released a long-suffering sigh. “Look, sorry if I was a bit short with you, okay? I mean, you acted like a douche, but I didn’t need to be so defensive, I guess.”
The cat squirmed and she put it down, it took off towards the back of the store.
Lucifer looked back down at the pretty little tyrant not sure what to say. He didn’t do apologies and honestly, he wasn’t sure why he suddenly had the urge to.
Her gaze lifted and locked on his.
He stared back.
She licked her lips.
His dick went rock solid behind the zipper of his jeans.
“Fuck,” she whispered.
“Yes, please,” he whispered back.
She let out another sigh. “You’re ridiculous.” Then grabbed the front of his shirt, yanked him closer and kissed him.
Oh, fuck yes.
Lucifer hooked her around the waist and hauled her off the ground. She wrapped her legs around his waist and then they were making out. Mouth fucking like pros against the door, then walking to the counter.
Ha! I knew it. I knew she wanted me. She was just good at hiding it.
Lucifer didn’t usually like kissing. When he fucked someone, he used his mouth in other ways. But he like this, so much so, he couldn’t get enough.
He squeezed her ass and she moaned into his mouth. Yeah, he liked that too. “Does your pussy needs attention, little tyrant?” he said against her lips. He’d never fucked in a pet shop before, but he’d never wanted anything more in his extremely long life.
She shoved at his chest with a groan. “What the fuck am I doing?”
“We were just about to fuck on this counter,” Lucifer said and tried to kiss her again.
She dodged his mouth and groaned, applying more pressure to his chest. “This isn’t happening. Get off.”
Lucifer couldn’t believe what he was hearing. She was rejectinghim? She’d kissed him. She hadn’t even come yet, and she could push him away so easily? “You want me to get offyou?”
“Yes, dammit. Using some fuck boy to forget the state of my shitty life, is the last thing I need right now.”
Fuck boy?
Lucifer released her and took several steps back. “I’m not sure I understand? You don’t want to fuck me?”
She jumped down from the counter. “No. Can you…please, just go.”
He didn’t understand this female. She made him feel so many things. He wanted to kiss her more, but he wanted to punish her as well for making him feel this way. “You really are one bonkers little nutcracker, aren’t you?”
She scowled and pointed to the door.
Adjusting his dick, he picked up his bags, that he’d dropped all over the floor, and got the fuck out of there.
***
His quarters were empty when he got back to Hell.
The tree was lit up with twinkling lights, presents stacked underneath. He unpacked his to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything.
Rox said she wanted him to wrap it all himself, but there was only so much he could take in one day. He and clicked his fingers and the wrapping was done. Shit. She’d never believe he’d done it. He clicked his fingers again and grinned. Perfect.
Or not so perfect, to be precise.
Lucifer sat and waved a hand, lighting the fire across from him, and stared into the flames. Curvy little pet shop assistants, flipping him the bird, danced in the flames.
And sick fuck he was, his dick got hard. It took some doing, but he willed his boner away. He had nowhere to put it. No, correction, he had nowhere he wanted to put it. The thought was seriously unsettling.
Mini pranced into the room and jumped onto his lap. He ran his hand down her back and willed a glass of red wine. Yes, getting wasted was an excellent idea.
Mini blinked up at him.
“I’m fine, Mins.”
Mini meowed and shifted forms. Her vibrant green eyes telling him she didn’t believe him. In her humanoid form, Mini, was four-foot-two, had long, thick black hair that reached halfway down her back, that her pointed cat ears poked through adorably, and delicate features. She liked pink and frills and Lucifer indulged her. His Mini had a bigger closet than he did. She was wearing a bright pink dress tonight, that was fitted to her upper body and poofed out at the waist.
She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Why are you sad.”
“I’m not, now I have you with me.”
She smiled bright, and lay against him. Lucifer immediately wrapped his arms around her. She was the most innocent creature he’d ever encountered, and she had somehow found her way to him, a monster, and her complete opposite.
“Does my hug make you feel better, Luci?” she said.
“Always.”
She purred and drifted to sleep in his arms.
Lucifer stayed where he was, staring into the flames.
He had no idea what the hell had happened today, what alternate universe he’d stumbled into, but he would never set foot in that fucking pet store ever again.
The door opened and his handmaids streamed in, laughing and carrying more gifts, and more importantly, booze.
Mini woke and squealed with delight, running to her aunts. He watched as they fussed over her.
Yes, this was all he needed.
All he would ever need.
© 2021 Sherilee Gray